A few weeks ago, I turned 29, and my mind automatically started judging itself and doubting about its purpose of life. Still, I don’t know what is my mission on this planet.
Approaching the third decade feels like a race to complete a to-do list and check if everything you once dreamed of is coming true.
But who taught us that the process should be linear and fast? Who said that success is about money, career, or finding a partner?
In November, I traveled to Colombia for the first time since migrating to the Netherlands. Upon returning to Europe, I promised myself that in 2025 I would embody “success” and live my life’s full purpose.
My goals for the first quarter were: to get a job at an NGO, speak more fluent Dutch, exercise four times a week, and maintain an active social life.
The reality is different: It’s April, and…
- I’m sitting on my couch, without the NGO job I planned for, but with the barista job I had before going to Colombia.
- I’ve spent a week without going to the gym. I’ve been sick, and I ended up in the hospital due to anxiety and stress.
- I’d love to tell you that I’m holding a plate of salad in my hands, but the truth is, I ate a box of chocolates—and I’m on my days.
The search for a higher mission and well-being has only triggered intense anxiety attacks, hair loss, tears, and a visit to the emergency room.
A full-on reality check pushed me to start this blog and dive deeper into mental health, limiting beliefs, and inner power.
Table of Contents
The Difference Between Purpose of Life and Experience of Being
The purpose of life is a lie—as we have understood it. We live in a consumerist and globalized society where marketing promotes the constant need to have and to do.
I also have confused purpose with doing. In 2021, my goals were to achieve a C1 level in German, launch a successful business, and attract clients who would pay me in dollars. Although the goals were different from those I set for 2025, the core was the same.
In both years, my goals were centered around doing and having. And when we talk about purpose, there’s a big difference between being and doing.
Eckhart Tolle, in his book The Power of Now, talks about the difference between Being and the experience of being. The Self or being is the essence or true nature of who we are. He explains that the “I am” or Self arises when we are fully present.
In simpler words, what we currently understand as purpose, life mission, and so on, Tolle understands as the simple act of existing in consciousness.
When we come from doing—or from the experience of being—it’s easy for the mind to search for pleasure, fulfillment, or validation outside of ourselves. However, those things are already inherent within us.
Purpose of life is felt as a state of being, presence, and unity with everything—not as a list of tasks to complete. The action-based “life mission” is often a reflection of the mind’s desires.
The Mind: Our Worst Enemy or Best Friend
In the 21st century and among New Age circles, we often talk about finding purpose through the mind. Ironically, this search creates separation, generating problems and conflicts within ourselves.
All human beings have an inner voice. Unfortunately, many times it complains, compares, judges, and clings to the past or worries about the future.
For the mind, it’s easy to dive into the subconscious and act based on memories or future projections. But for the human body living in the present, this creates distress.
Have you ever made a mistake and immediately found your mind imagining a thousand worst-case scenarios? Suddenly, you’re starring in a Hollywood movie inside your head—complete with sounds, images, and drama.
Our mind can be our greatest ally—or our tireless tormentor.
In my case, in recent years my mind has often silenced my intuition. I’ve battled with a lack of self-confidence. No matter how many things I’ve achieved, I often still feel like a failure.
I’ve compared myself to others. I’ve demanded more from myself. I’ve looked for answers outside of me, ignoring the wisdom already inside.
Find more information about the purpose of life here.
Finding My Purpose of Life
This existential search for healing often leads us to look for answers outside of ourselves. In my case, the idea of reaching a supreme state of fulfillment turned into endless investments: therapy sessions, ceremonies, spiritual retreats, and courses—all searching for that Self.
In the end, these experiences have been filled with love, symbols, and beautiful discoveries. Yet, I haven’t found my “purpose” in the way I once imagined.
It took an emotional crisis to understand that my purpose isn’t about checking boxes or achieving things—it’s about feeling a sense of oneness, wholeness, and connection with life itself.
I would love to tell you that I now fully know my purpose of life. But maybe I don’t.
What I do know is that it feels like a state of self-satisfaction—whether I’m working as a communicator in an NGO, writing blogs, or serving coffee as a barista.
As a migrant, I’ve learned that my journey is different from others’. That resilience makes me strong. And that it’s okay not to have all the answers.
So, with that uncertainty about what lies ahead, I decided to write this blog as a memoir to my Being—and a reminder that to heal, you have to face your demons, feel them, live through them, and then transform them.
Tell me in the comments: Do you relate to this?
