Have you ever noticed that the first thing you do in the morning is check your phone? You scroll through social media, and after just a few minutes, you feel discouraged or inadequate.
Why? Because, often unconsciously, you compare yourself to others.
In 1954, psychologist Leon Festinger introduced the concept of social comparison theory, explaining how we evaluate our abilities and opinions by comparing ourselves to others. This process starts in childhood and continues to influence our self-esteem, decisions, and emotional well-being throughout life.
Think about it: when you were around 3 or 4 years old, you likely started comparing your toys or environment to those of others. That natural curiosity helped you form opinions and learn about the world.
Today, the same thing happens—but through screens. Every time you see someone online with “more success,” “more beauty,” or “more achievements,” your brain interprets that as a signal of social status, and the comparison kicks in.
The Difference Between a Child and an Adult When Comparing
- Childhood comparisons come from curiosity.
- Adult comparisons are filtered through past experiences, emotions, beliefs, and values.
As adults, our comparisons are tied to how we’ve felt in past situations. These inner filters activate insecurity or low self-worth—not the act of comparison itself.
The good news is that you can use comparison as a powerful tool for self-growth. And that’s exactly what we’ll explore in this blog.
What You’ll Learn in This Blog:
- How mental filters are formed according to NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming)
- Why comparing yourself means you already have a key self-awareness skill
- A practical NLP technique to turn comparison into growth
Table of Contents
Mental Filters & Experience According to NLP
Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) is the study of human behavior that uses language, patterns, and communication to reprogram how we think, act, and grow.
According to NLP, we learn unconsciously through our five senses. External experiences are filtered through our nervous system, then interpreted and stored in our mind using internal codes—mostly language and mental imagery.
Every second, we receive between 2 and 11 million bits of sensory information—visual, auditory, kinesthetic (touch and body sensations), olfactory (smell), and gustatory (taste).
To help you visualize that:
Imagine each bit is a grain of sand.
2 million bits = 2 million grains of sand per second.
One handful of sand contains about 10,000 grains—so you’re receiving around 200 handfuls of sensory input every second.
Because there’s too much information to process, our brain filters, deletes, generalizes, or distorts most of it. Only a small fraction reaches our conscious awareness.
What Happens When You Compare Yourself to Others
Every time you compare yourself to someone else, you are not seeing the full picture. You’re seeing an edited version of reality, filtered by your past beliefs, emotional states, and focus of attention.
Let me give you a personal example:
Yesterday, I was scrolling through Instagram for hours, just out of boredom. I ended up comparing myself to influencers who live in Colombia, have thousands of followers, and seem to have a “perfect life.”
I instantly felt insecure. My mind started feeding me old limiting beliefs—like “Maybe I’d be happier if I had more money,” or “Maybe I should go back to my country.”
But wait… didn’t I migrate for a reason?
Even though I miss my people, I’m now living in a place full of opportunities.
That’s how easily our mind plays tricks on us.
Comparison is not truth—it’s perception.
And often, what we perceive is shaped by how we felt in past experiences, not what actually happened.
Do You Compare Yourself to Others? Then You Have a Superpower
Let’s talk about “frames” in NLP.
Frames are mental filters that shape how we perceive our experiences and how we react to them. They form our reality and influence our behavior.
NLP Frames:
- Cause vs. Effect
- Results vs. Excuses
- Perception is Projection
- Mind-Body Connection
- Responsibility = Power
For this exercise, we’ll focus on the frame: Perception is Projection.
This concept means that what we see in others is often a reflection of something inside us—whether it’s something we admire, desire, or dislike.
In other words, comparison is not random. It often reveals parts of ourselves that we haven’t fully integrated yet.
NLP Technique: Turn Comparison Into Self-Knowledge
Comparison can feel painful, but it can also become a mirror to show you what you truly want—or what you’re ready to change.
Here’s a powerful NLP-inspired exercise you can try:
✏️ Step-by-step:
Think of someone you admire — a friend, mentor, family member, or even a public figure.
Write down 5 qualities you admire in this person.
Now think of someone who triggers you — someone who makes you feel uncomfortable or annoyed.
Write down 5 traits that bother you about them.
Reflect: Can you see any of these qualities in yourself?
Be honest and kind with yourself—this is a safe space for self-awareness.
Ask for feedback:
Share those 10 words with 3 people close to you. Ask them:
“Hey, I’m doing a self-reflection exercise. Could you tell me which of these traits you see in me? I’d love your honest opinion.”
🧩 Sample Table – Feedback
| Trait | Do you see this in me? |
|---|---|
| Cheerful | Yes / No |
| Hard-working | Yes / No |
| Empathetic | Yes / No |
| Loving | Yes / No |
| Talkative | Yes / No |
| Controlling | Yes / No |
| Defensive | Yes / No |
| Impatient | Yes / No |
| Always wants to be right | Yes / No |
| Harsh / Critical | Yes / No |
✨ Final Thoughts
You’re not alone in feeling lost or uncertain.
We all compare ourselves to others—it’s human. But now you have the tools to use that comparison in a conscious, healing way.
Remember: feedback is never personal—it’s an invitation to grow.
💬 Did you try this exercise? Let me know on Instagram or in the comments!
Additional resources you might like:
