You move to a new place, and everything seems bright until you suddenly sink deep into frustration and sadness. It feels like when you fall madly in love with somebody, but within a year or so, you think it is not as before. We call this culture shock.
As with your first love, migrating also involves stages of getting along with a new place. The Norwegian Sverre Lysgaard defined Culture shock, or the U-curve theory, as the feeling of disorientation when an individual leaves behind the familiar and moves to the unknown.
His research found that humans have four stages of culture shock when adapting to a new place.
- Honey Moon
- Frustration
- Adjustment
- Adaptation
In this blog, I will provide real-life examples of how to experience culture shock or a U-curve and some recommendations for improving each stage.
Table of Contents
Am I the Only One Experiencing a Culture Shock?
Loneliness and frustration are some of the common symptoms of migration. As a natural process, humans often fall into the trap of believing nobody will ever understand this pain.
When I first moved to Berlin, I remember feeling overwhelmed by the shortest of light and cold. Even though the streets were full of Christmas lights, my soul felt dark and shut down.
Like me, thousands of migrants experience hundreds of emotions when migrating. Still, not all of them get to live the U-curve’s final.
If you are reading this blog at any point in your migration, I want to remind you that you are not alone. I have been there; I know what it feels like when “nobody” understands your inner self.
My invitation is to embrace the fact that processes are not linear. Once you realize we all experience this, you may perceive things differently.
Stage 1: Honey Moon
I was 18 when I met my first love. I had migrated to the United States and fell in love with this handsome southern boy after a few days. – New city, new me – I said. The whole experience was indescribable.
I was young, learning English with a boyfriend. What else could you ask for? The euphoria of passion and building a life in a foreign country exploded like a rocket.
I use this example because it evokes the same sensation I have felt in every city I have moved to. From Medellín to Berlin and The Hague, all sense like my first love: exciting, reckless, perhaps…unknown.
At this point, we are fascinated by the new things we are discovering and see primarily the benefits. According to the U-Curve, this feeling lasts around two months, and only some people experience it.
Some migrants have to move to a new place forcibly, and at the beginning, things seem gray. And for someone who falls in love quickly, like me, the descent could be as complex and painful in the next stage.
Stage 2: Frustration
Feeling frustrated is a symptom of reality kicking in. The honeymoon stage ends when we start to see defaults in the environment. What once was innovative and exciting now feels uncomfortable.
At stage #2, we reject social norms and traditions and feel the pain of missing home. According to the U-Curve, this can start in 3-6 months.
Returning to the idea of a relationship, imagine this: You meet your first love, everything is magic, and suddenly, you realize how this person behaves differently with their friends.
Initially, you felt alive because this person offered excitement and an authentic experience. However, the hit gets tricky when you perceive that this person might be odd.
A strong feeling of rejection or discomfort opens the door to the next stage: discomfort. It is vital to note that only some adapt to a new place, and some people leave for another country or their land.
Stage 3: Adjustment
One day, you wake up feeling more familiar. In stage #3, life seems kinder, you meet cool people, and the language barrier seems less.
Dinner later than usual seems normal to you, and suddenly, traditions get more exciting. You start eating some local food with pleasure and make some local friends. These actions are what we call integration.
A funny story I recall is calling my mom while crying in the sixth month of my migration to the Netherlands. “I am lonely, I do not have friends, and I miss home,” I said.
One year later, I called her while going to dinner with some friends, and she pointed out how my multiple migrations were the same. First, I called her crying, and one year later, I acknowledged I would meet friends.
When migrating, take one day at a time. Do not rush to construct your complete community because probably not all will stay. I created a blog on how to make friends as an expat that might be useful for you. Read here.
Believe that one day, you will feel more warm, and all that you went through will begin to fade away. There is no bad moment that lasts forever.
Stage 4: Adaptation
In stage #4, we feel a sense of belonging. We want to enjoy external activities and situations with the new culture, feeling as ourselves. This is where the new place starts to feel like home.
Constructing a life takes time, and even though we will feel more comfortable in the new culture, there will always be discomfort or new situations that seem weird.
After more than a year of living in the Netherlands, I felt this was my home. Still, there were some situations where I thought I did not know this place at all.
One day, I was on my partner´s uncle’s birthday, and he made such a great tiramisu that I asked for one piece to take with me. Suddenly, I felt some laughs, and my partner explained that bringing food with you in this country was not expected. It was hilarious!
In Colombia, taking food from a party is always possible; your family often sends you with a bucket full of food. Once again, you will always get new frictions.
Another key factor in adapting is language. Trying to understand the language will get you a step closer to understanding the culture. Speaking the same language will decrease barriers and help you get closer to locals.
Every stage varies depending on how each experiences the previous stage. At this point, you decide to stay or leave. For those who leave and come back home, there is something called reverse culture shock, but I will talk about this in a new blog.
Final Recommendations
The process of migrating is not linear or general. The situations that happened to you are far from what happened to your neighbor. As a migrant who has restarted her life multiple times, my biggest tip is to take each experience one day at a time.
Some people integrate quickly and smoothly, while others take years. I suggest listing things you like and dislike about the new place and questioning whether those “defaults” are manageable.
To minimize the effect of culture shock, we must be aware of our reactions or emotions. One helpful tool for me has been Journaling. Sit down and write down your thoughts on a paper. Get track of your process; in some years, you will see clearly everything you went through.
Embrace the new experience with love, and believe that all today’s situations are essential steps toward your future development. I heard the following phrase this morning in a podcast.
“If we were to return to the past, we would probably have made the same mistakes. Just because then, we had the same tools and resources to confront them.”
This rang a bell: You must experience discomfort today and embrace what is coming. In which stage are you in right now? Let me know in the comments!
Leave a Reply